Casket Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money, always denying himself and his wife any reasonable comfort because he didn't want to part with his precious money.
He loved his money more than anything, so just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
The wife promised she would do as he said.
One day the old miser died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife sitting there in black next to her closest friend.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her which she placed in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that more...
A couple had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night, there would be screams and shouts from their house.
The old man often screamed these words at her in public, "I'm sick and tired of you! When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you!"
The old guy started practicing black magic. All the disappearances in the neighborhood of cats, dogs and people were blamed on him.
At the age of 80 the old guy died, and his wife put him in a casket. Later that night, she went to a bar and partied as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbor asked her, "Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?"
The old lady calmly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket in face down."
A couple had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night, there would be screams and shouts from their house.
The old man often screamed these words at her in public, "I'm sick and tired of you! When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you!" The old guy started practicing black magic. All the disappearances in the neighborhood of cats, dogs and people were blamed on him. At the age of 80 the old guy died, and his wife put him in a casket. Later that night, she went to a bar and partied as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbor asked her, "Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?" The old lady calmly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket in the other way around."
Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact. When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life. Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects. The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket. Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend. Then the lawyer approached the coffin... wrote out a check for $15,000... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.
Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.
When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life.
Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.
The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.
Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend.
Then the lawyer approached the coffin... wrote out a check for $15,000... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries, “Watch out for the wall! ”