Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes

Alabama
Literacy ain't everything
Ya want fries with dat?
Alaska
Come, freeze your butt off
Arizona
Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
Arkansas
At least we're not Mississippi
California
The Granola State
Nobody's actually from here
Fast reloading lanes available
The really long state
Colorado
Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
Official home of the winter ski bunny
Connecticut
Way too close to New York
Delaware
You'll need a map to find us
So close to Washington you can smell it
Florida
The Gunshine State
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die
Senior citizen discounts available
Come, enjoy the humidity
The snow capital of the US
Georgia
Home of the Rednecks
Gateway to Florida
Confederate money welcome
Hawaii
Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
Book 'em Danno
Tom Seleck, Jack Lord, Don Ho - more...

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when... You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday. You head south to go to your more...

Prominent Canadian Muslims have condemned the 17 men arrested for conspiring to commit terrorist acts. Sheik Husain Patel called the plot, "A waste of good explosives. Who bombs Canada?"

Even Canadians Don't Know the Name of their Prime Minister

College Entrance Exam
Football Player Version
1. What language is spoken by the FRENCH?
2. Give a dissertation on the anient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions.
-OR-
Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one)
A. Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion: How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell - Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush:
Carter:
Clinton:
10. Six kings of England have been more...

College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ A. build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
___ A. Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ A. Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and more...

Bureau Termination, Law of: When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12 months after the decision is made.
Brooke’s Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Calkin’s Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
Canada Bill Jones’s Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Canada Bill Jones’s Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Captain Penny’s Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can’t Fool Mom.
Carlson’s Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Carson’s Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy more...