Cabin Jokes / Recent Jokes

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced:
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
4. "There may more...

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other anouncements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To more...

Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.

First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.

The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.
The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove more...

A married couple were going through some rough times in their marriage. The sexual drive was lacking, the passion gone. So they decided to go to see a marriage counselor. After a few sessions, the counselor realized nothing he could do would help. However, he still suggested that the couple go on a cruise, to see if they could rekindle any of the romance they once had. They schedule a follow up visit for 2 weeks later.
The couple go on the cruise. The first night, they go dancing, swimming, and enjoy the many other activities on the ship. At about 1 AM they retire to their cabin, exhausted. They got a doubles room when booking their cruise, so the beds in their cabin are bunked. The woman looks to her husband after they prepare for bed and asks "Up or down?" Suddenly, her husband grabs her, throws her on the bottom bunk, and they proceed to make wild, passionate love. Needless to say, the rest of their cruise was spent mostly indoors, enjoying the new found more...

An air freight flight flying across the Pacific to Australia was also carrying five passengers; an American, A Frenchman, a German, an Englishman, and an Irishman. They'd almost reached their destination near Australia, when one of the plane's four engines caught on fire. "Don't worry!" said the pilot, as he activated the fire extinguishers and feathered the prop, "this plane was designed to fly on just two engines. We'll be fine!"

A little while later, an engine on the other wing coughed and sputtered and stopped. The plane appeared to be slowly losing altitude when the pilot came on the intercom and said: "don't worry men, this plane can still fly on two engines, but we're going to have to lighten the load."

The copilot came back into the cabin and opened a rear door. He then directed the five men in helping to jettison the crates that the plane was carrying. Once all the crates were out, he secured the door and went back to the more...

TRUE STORY
When I was 16, I went camping with my family. My girlfriend, who was also 16, went along with her family as well. We went to the same campground together because her parents knew mine and we're friends. I thought that this was perfect because now I could be with my girlfriend all summer.
One night, my girlfriend's parents were chatting with mine, so we sneaked away and went to have some "fun" at the cottage we were renting. So we got to the cottage but the door was locked so we ended up sneaking through a window.
We got really busy that night, having lots of "fun" with each other. During the climax, we heard a noise and we thought our my parents had come back. Then the next thing we knew, an elderly couple opens up the door before we could react, the next thing we saw was a shotgun pointing at us with the man asking us who we are and what we were doing in his cabin... while we were still having sex! We were horrified beyond belief! Apparently more...

Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay. First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled. The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well. The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...