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You Might Be An Internet Addict If...
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home more...
A buisnessman was driving down an old country road when his car broke
down. "No problem" he said, "I'll just walk to this nearby farmhouse."
When he finally arrives there he walks up to the house, upon walking he sees
a pin full of chickens and loses track of what he was going to do. When the farmer answers
the door, feeling stupid, the buisnessman asks the farmer
if he can by a chicken. "Sure" says the farmer, "just one thing, around here we call them
cocks" "OK i'll take a cock" says the man. Finallly remembering what he was supposed to do
he starts walking to another farmhouse. On the way there he sees a pin
of roosters, losing track of what he was doing again, he asks the farmer to
buy a rooster. "sure thing but aroung here we call them pullits", then the
man walks away with his cock and pullit in hand when he remembers what he set out to do.
Walking up to the third more...
The first day that a young boy went to work in the produce department at a local grocery store he was encountered by a customer with dark hair and wearing a suit. The customer told the boy that he wanted to buy a 1/2 head of lettuce. The young boy informed the customer that he would have to consult his supervisor in order to sell just a 1/2 head of lettuce. As the boy approached his supervisor he whispered “Hey, some ASSHOLE wants to buy a 1/2 head of lettuce. ” The boy then noticed that the customer was standing right behind him. The boy then said ” And this nice man would like to buy the other 1/2. ”
The Supervisor was so impressed the boy’s wit and quick thinking that he offered the boy a management position in Washington, St. The boy accepted the offer and stated that the only thing from Washington was whores and hockey players. The Supervisor said “Hey, my wife is from Washington. ” The young boy said “Oh yea, what team did she play for? ”
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. But the man said that he did not need a whole head, only a half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager. So he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he said it, he turned to find the man standing right behind him. Realizing he had been overheard, the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request, and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir". "Oh, really? Why did you leave more...
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by
train to a conference. At the station, the three
lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers.
"Watch and you`ll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their
respective seats but all three engineers cram into
a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
restroom door and says, "Ticket, please" The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed,
it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy
the engineers on the return trip and more...
Men
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they still have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't more...