Butterball Jokes / Recent Jokes

Butterball Turkey Talk-Line...
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls - inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (''Will it cook faster if I drive faster?''), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen - these are real incidents, true stories - from the front lines!
Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After more...

"Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts"
As presented on the 11/26/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?" Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy" Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says, "Are we still talking about the turkey?" Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat He tells you to go stuff yourself

BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE' GREATEST HITS'

(or,' Memorable Moments in Talk-Line History;' or,' Out of the Mouths of.... Turkey Trauma Victims')

Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ('Will it cook faster if I drive faster?'), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!

* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity more...

TRUE STORIES FROM THE BUTTERBALL Turkey Hotline, where people call to get advice how to cook a Turkey from the experts.
Thanksgiving Dinner on the run.
A woman called (their number) to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.
To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed.
The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."
Tofu turkey?
No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey.
A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.
Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

"Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts"
As presented on the 11/26/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?"
Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy"
Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants
Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant
When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says, "Are we still talking about the turkey?"
Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes
Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours
Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat
Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat
He tells you to go stuff yourself