Bus Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed.

Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!"

The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

One morning an elderly matron boarded a bus and occupied a seat without buying a ticket. The irate conductor addressed her rudely,' Budhiya (old woman), first buy your ticket before you sit down.'
The lady rasped back:' First learn to speak politely and then ask for money for a ticket. Instead of calling me a budhiya you should have said: "Jiji (elder sister), please buy a ticket."' The humbled conductor had to repeat the lady's words before he got the fare. Everyone was amused.
At the next stop, a hefty sadhu boarded the bus. This time the conductor got his own back. He addressed the sadhu very loudly:' Jeejaji (brother-in-law), you can take the vacant seat next to Jiji'

A workman who was extremely fond of garlic boarded a bus in a Southern city, and sat himself down next to a haughty, sour-faced woman. She immediately became aware of the garlic fragrance, and observed icily, "It's a wonder they don't run a special bus for persons who insist on eating garlic."

The workman cheerfully answered, "They do lady, you're on the wrong bus."

A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius! ” The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island. ” There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here. ” As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re angry about something. ” “Oh really? You noticed? ” he sneered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? You idiot! Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go out to Coney Island? ”

The bountifully endowed young doll was in an embarrassing situation, for her arms were filled with packages and she was wearing a dress that was simply too tight to allow her to step up into the bus for which she had been waiting the last fifteen minutes. A crowd pressed from behind and so she reached back, unobserved she hoped, and attempted to gain some additional freedom by pulling down the zipper at the back of her dress. It didn't seem to help and she still couldn't negotiate the high step, so she reached again for the zipper and addi- tional freedom, but again it was no use. Then from out of the impatient crowd behind her, a young man picked her up and deposited her gently inside the bus.
This, of course, only embarrassed the girl more. "What right have you to pick me up like that?" she gasped. "Why, I don't even know you!"
"Well, miss," the man said, smiling and tipping his hat, "after you pulled my zipper down the second time, I more...

A guy climbs on to a bus, he is carrying a Double Bass, The bus driver says, ...." I dont know where your going with that thing, but when you get there, I hope they ask you to play......................."

Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more