Buffet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    On Sunday, the world's 2nd wealthiest man, Warren Buffet, announced he will donate the bulk of his 42 billion dollar fortune to charity. Buffet's oldest daughter, Susie, immediately changed her name to Charity.

    Yo Mama is like a buffet, $3.00 and it's all you can eat!

    All of your pants have an elastic waistband
    You are done eating and you can hear your skin actually stretch
    You have your cholesterol checked and it comes back: BACON
    It takes 2 hands to masturbate 1 to hold your stomach up and the other 1 to do it.
    Your sweat smells like hot dog water
    You have your own gravitational pull
    The all you can eat buffet cuts you off
    Richard Simmons comes to your house
    Just hearing the word bacon, hotdog, and buffet make you hungry
    You’re a stunt double for John Goodman

    If this is you or someone you know get help before they have to cut the wall out!

    I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
    1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10, 000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later then you think. It's Christmas!
    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy more...

    A fat guy went into a chineese buffet.
    So he ate and he ate and he ate a little bit more each time he went up there.
    Finally the chineese manager came up to him and said,"Sir", in a chineese acsent,"Sir, Sir sign says all you can eat not all we got"

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