Breath Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.

The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!

The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find 4 other Chinese men.

The young, blonde wife was worried when her husband came bursting through the door one night after work, gasping for breath.
"What's wrong? Why are you so out of breath?" asked the concerned wife.
"First, please give me a glass of water," he gasped.
She rushed into the kitchen and brought him a glass of water. "Here, dear," she said. "Now tell me what's going on?"
"I had a really big achievement today," he announced proudly. "I ran behind the bus all the way home from work and saved a dollar."
"Oh, silly," she said. "You should have run behind a taxi. Then you could have saved ten dollars!"

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he more...

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for theevening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go atit. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat theperformance. The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. Whenfinished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes adeep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumpsback into bed with the hooker and starts again. The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. Duringthe fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes adeep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds fourChinese men.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner more...

Sister Margaret was a model nun all of her life, until she was called to get her just rewards. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret... not so fast!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time the sisters at the convent took me in as an infant to my dying breath... I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is precisely the problem," replied St. Peter, "you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong".
"Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then" ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a more...

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the
evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at
it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window,
takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side,
jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the
performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a
deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During
the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a
deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds four
Chinese men.