Breaking Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student asked, "How much for a season pass?"

A Collection of Lawyer Jokes



An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...

- If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
- Do You Love As Good As You Look?
- Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
- Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
- How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
- I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
- I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
- I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
- I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
- I Wanna Whip Your Cow
- I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
- I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight,(even if she had a chance to win)
- I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
- I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
- I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
- I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
- If I Can't more...

>On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
>students, pointing out some of the rules.
>"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
>students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
>Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the
>first time."
>
>He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second
>time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will
>incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?"
>
>At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
>"How much for a season pass?"

BREAKING NEWS:

Whitehouse press spokeswoman Joan Braithwaite has delivered the
following statement to media regarding accusation involving
impropriety between President Clinton and Miss Lewinsky:

The President absolutely did not engage in any sexual conduct
with Miss Lewinsky and will vigorously defend himself against
such claims.
However the President would like to state that it is possible
that a perfectly innocent incident has been twisted by right wing
Republicans in order to undermine his administration.
Mr. Clinton has said that there was an occasion when it was
necessary for him to adjust his clothing he noticed with some
embarrassment that his fly was undone. The President said that he
unfortunately had some difficulty with his clothing as his zipper
got stuck. Because Mr. Clinton has slight arthritis in his hands
he found he could not get the zipper up.
He therefore, for medical more...

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:"How much for a season pass?"

It's the time of the Old West.

A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, "Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town."

Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who when hopping over the bar slips on a beer and knocks himself unconscious.

When he comes to, he makes his way outside to see the biggest, meanest man he's ever seen riding down the center of the town on two buffaloes, whipping them with a rattlesnake screaming, "Giddyup! Let's go, come on."

He makes his way over to the saloonkeeper, dismounts, and enters the saloon.

Breaking both doors off the hinges while entering, he walks up to the bar, slams his fist down, breaking the bar in half and hollers, "Gimme some beer in a gallon jug."

After the saloonkeeper hands him the jug, he watches as the man drinks it in three seconds more...