Bouncer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?" The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew more...

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us!"The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good!"The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in."The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would more...

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says -
"Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place."
Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says...
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says -"Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place."Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says..."Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud,
you need a tie for this place." Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages
around, but there's no necktie to be found. Finally, in desperation, he
takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and
lets the ends dangle free. Back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details."
Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says.
"Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and imagining about walking out of the bar $2,000 richer.
"What are the three things?"
"Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out..."
"After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled..."
"Then you have to go and make love to the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal your shoelace is untied."
When the bouncer looks more...