Bouncer Jokes

Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered.
According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30 minute aerobics workout," declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Bouncer
Dr. Bouncer and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.
The study revealed that after five years, the chest watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease.
"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Bouncer. "There's no question: Gazing at large more...

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says -
"Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place."

Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.

Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says...
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.


As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend,


"Let's go over to that bar for a drink." The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."


The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."


They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."


The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Guide dog - I'm blind."


The bouncer said, "A Doberman?" The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."


The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."


The lady with the Chihuahua thought more...

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details." Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says.
"Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and practically salivating at the thought of walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. "What are the three things?"
"Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out. After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled. Then you have to go and f**k the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal your shoelace is untied." When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man more...