Borrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

The top 10 signs your best mate is actually a secret agent....
1. His shoe keeps ringing.
2. When you borrow something from him, it explodes after a week.
3. When you drive his car, you accidentally shoot down the AA Roadwatch helicopter.
4. Various other items he owns self-destruct within five seconds of being handled.
5. He introduces himself with his surname then his first name then his surname again.
6. The dashboard of his new sports car resembles an airplane cockpit.
7. Commutes to the office using a jet pack.
8. "Where do I work? Uh... in the Financial Services Centre! Heheh..."
9. Asks to borrow your exploding pens.
10. Favourite phrase is "Yeah, baby... yeah!"

Borrow money from pessimists--they don`t expect it back

Every time the man next door headed toward Michaels`s house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won`t get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you`d be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I`m awfully sorry," said Michael with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I`ll be using it all day." "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won`t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"

A man walks into a New York bank, and says he's going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce. The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15. 41. The loan officer says inquiringly, "Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?" "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15. 41?"

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date.

The dad says,' 'Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.''

The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies,' 'Dad, Jesus had long hair...''

And the dad replies,' 'Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn't he?''

Every time the man next door headed toward Michaels`s house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something.

"He won`t get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you`d be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.

"Gee, I`m awfully sorry," said Michael with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I`ll be using it all day."

"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won`t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"

An Indian walks into a bank in New York City and asks
for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on
business for two
weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need
some form of security
for
the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a
new Ferrari parked
on
the street in front of the bank. He produces the title
and everything checks
out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.

The bank`s president and its officers all enjoy a good
laugh at the Indian
for using a $250, 000 Ferrari as collateral against a
$5, 000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the
bank`s underground
garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5, 000
and the interest,
which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer says, more...