Bonus Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill.
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
What do toys and womens breasts have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them.
What is love?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.
Monkeys and girls both are same.
They fight only for bananas. Boys and rats are same; they search only for holes.
Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed.
Why do women talk so much?
Because they have two sets of lips.
What's the difference between your bonus and your dick?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.
Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning more...
Q. What's the difference between a BONUS and a PENIS?
A. Your wife will blow your bonus.
"Signs You Won't Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year"
As presented on the 12/11/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future"
The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial
On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips
What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet"
Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out"
You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants
When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies
Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "crap" appeared 78 times
You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets
Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.
The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted
men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant
Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From
the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the more...
An American earned some bonus from his work and he thought he deserved a hunting trip to Canada. When he came to Canada he popped in a hunting store for renting a hunting dog. Before he left, he asked the boss what the dog's name was, the boss told him the dog's name is "Sales".
During the hunting, Sales was so great, he barked when he saw quarries. He never stopped chasing them until he got them. No need to say, the American really got a bunch of quarries when he's done this hunting trip.
Couple years after then, this American earned another big bonus again. So he thought about the Canada hunting trip again. Of course he went to the same hunting store to rent that dog named Sales as soon as he arrived Canada. However, the boss told him they didn't call him Sales any more. Just because of his excellent performance, they called him "Manager" now. At the very same moment, the boss pointed to one corner of the store and told the American, " Now he does more...
After the test match, new rules need to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect clarification
(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
(3) While BATTING, more...