Bombing Jokes / Recent Jokes
By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
February 20, 2002
Times Observer
To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the bombers.
It is well known that more...
Once Mr. Ravana held a chief administrator post of an important buddhist instituition in Kandy.
One day a group of foreign delegates visited this historic place and met Mr. Ravana and they had short discussion.
So,.. Mr. Ravana had to say " when Japanese bombing Colombo harbour in 1942 "..... But he pronounced the word "bombing" (B O M B I N G ) wrongly. One of his friends whispered " Mr Ravana,, B is silent" But there were two B s, so he corrected that sentence like. .." when Japanese ombing Colombo harbour in 1942".........
A Pinoy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.
After a couple of beers, the Pinoy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Pinoy crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the director.
Picking himself up, he yelled, "Wat da hell is dat por?"
Spielberg ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you and My dad perished in that bombing!"
"Tang Na! I am not Jafanese, you stufid Nincomfoof! I am Filipino!" exclaimed the Pinoy.
The inebriated director replied, "Yeah yeah yeah. ... Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino. .. you are all the same."
Regaining his composure, the Pinoy dusted off his white pants, straightened the collar of his loud bird-of-paradise printed shirt, took his seat and ordered a more...
(best done with exaggerated English & German accents)
An English P.O.W. is in a German hospital with serious injuries. The
doctor comes into his room and says, "The news iss bad. Ve are going to
have to amputate your leg." The Brit replies "Right then. War is hell and
all that malarkey. But could you ask your commandant if he wouldn't find
it to much of a bother to drop it over my beloved homeland when he goes on
his next bombing mission?" Off goes the doctor, and with the commandant's
permission, they fulfill his request.
A few days later, the doctor returns into his room and says, "More bad news.
Ve are going to have to amputate your other leg." The Brit replies "Right
then. War is hell and all that malarkey. Could you ask your commandant
if he wouldn't mind terribly if he could drop it over my beloved homeland
when he goes on his next bombing mission?" Off goes the doctor, and more...
A lawyer is bombing along the moterwat in his brand new Ferarri F50. All of a sudden he loses control of the vehicle and drives onto the wrong side of the road. He has a head-on collision with a lorry. A passer-by saw the accident and phoned for an ambulance. The lawyers car was smashed up. When the paramedics arrived they found the lawyer through the windshield. The lawyer was screaming,''oh no! My car, my car!'' The paramedic replied,'' I don't think you should worried about your car sir, your arm has come clean of.''
The lawyer shouted,''oh no my Rolex, my Rolex!''
In WW2 Captain Saunders was wounded in battle and captured by the Germans. He was sent to a German military hospital.
On his first day in the hospital a doctor came, bearing bad news, "we have to amputate your legs."
The Captain was very sad, however he asked the doctor if his legs could be dropped in his commanders next bombing mission over Britain. The doctor asked his commander, and he said yes.
And sure enough it was dropped.
On the second day the doctor came bearing more bad news, "we have to amputate your left arm."
The Captain was sadder than before, but he asked if this could also be dropped, in the commander's next mission. The answer was yes and it was dropped.
On the third day, the doctor came bearing even more bad news, "we have to amputate your right arm."
The Captain was also sad, and he asked the arm could be dropped in the next bombing mission. The doctor replied, "NO, my commander thinks you are trying to more...