Black Jokes / Recent Jokes

there were three girls on an island an they are walking on teh shore and find a magic lamp.of course they rub the lamp and a genie comes out and says since there is three of you i will grant each one of you a wish.the black haired girl says i miss my friends and family.so she wants to go home and she then gos home.the brunette says the same thing as the black haired woman and then she goes back.then the blond says she misses her friends so she wishes her friends, the brunette, the black haired woman back to the island.

Submitted by Steve

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. more...

A white man and a black man were arguing vehemently about whether God was black or white.
"God, is white!" insisted the white man.
"No way," replied the black man, "I'm sure God's black."
"I'll prove to you God is white," said the white man, "Come with me."
Both men, thereupon, made the long ascension to the top of Mt. Sinai.
The white man called out, "God, hear my prayer! Please tell us what color
you are!"
From the heavens came down a booming voice. "I AM WHAT I AM!" echoed all over the mountain.
"There, you see!" said the white man, "God, is definitely white!"
"Well, how do you know God is white from what he said?"
"Well," remarked the white man, quite impatient at this point, "If God were black he would have said `AH IS WHAT AH IS.'"

A Black man goes into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, " Where did you get him? " The Parrot replies, " In Africa, the're everywhere! "

Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?" Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please... Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him down! Colonel Sanders: I missed one? L.A Poliece Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we'll find out. Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it: the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too! Ronald Regan: What Chicken? Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it! ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that more...

TRAVELLER'S TALES
 
 
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
  composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
 "Visitors are expected to complain at the officebetween the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily."
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANER'S:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have childrenin the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have anysuitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven citytours. We guarantee no more...

Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin'
Day wuz sleepin' good.
Everbody wuz sleepin'
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads
I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked "It must be de law!!"
I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin' de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!
Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin' like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night
Now what I did see
made me say "LAWD Lood at dat!"
It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats
Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.
On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see
He didn't go down no chimbly
-just picked de lock on my do'
An I says to more...