Bitch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Who Shat in the Hat
Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
Horton Fakes an Orgasm
Are You My Proctologist?
Your Colon Can Moo-Can You?
The Cat in the Blender
My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
Yentl the Lentil
The Flesh-Eating Lorax
Horton Hires a Ho
Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
The Grinch's Ten Inches
How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
Fox in Detox
Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
Aunts in My Pants
John went to a pet store and selected a kind looking dog. He asked the salesperson about the dog's pedigree.
She said the dog came from a very long line of distinguished ancestors. Both its father and grandfather were dogs.
Its mother, she said, was a bitch and its grandmother was a r-e-a-l bitch. John was delighted and said, "Is this dog smart and intelligent?"
"Oh, yes," she said, "this dog is so smart that within a week it would teach your entire family to talk in its language."
John was impressed and asked if the dog was faithful.
The salesperson replied, "I have sold this dog five times and it has always come back."
A blonde will screw anyone, a bitch will screw anyone but you.
A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site. She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.
Annoyed, the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"
The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?"
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. “Could I please sit in that seat? ” he asked.
The lady was insulted. “You bloody Americans are so rude”, she said, “can’t you see my dog is sitting there”?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
“Lady I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit more...
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."