Behind Jokes / Recent Jokes

Don't ya just love the holidays, when everyone is just so full of the spirit of the season and joy and good will towards men? As a plain old country boy now living in the big city, I wanted to share the warmth and joy I felt with all these nice city folk.
The other day I went to the local religious book store, to locate something to share with others, and while I couldn't find any with a Christmas theme, I saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car; tell y'all what, I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the upcoming Holidays and all, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I easily found several people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because, he leaned out his window and even yelled, "Jesus more...

Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie.
To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown.
This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20-something behind me.
"Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother."

One day Bill Clinton was jogging down the street
with his bodyguard, Bubba. Bill says to Bubba, " I
have to take a piss Bubba!" Bubba replies, " Your
the president sir, you can piss anywhere you want."
So Bill went behind a bush to take a leak. Bubba
decides to take a leak also, so he goes behind the
bush with Bill. Bill looks down at Bubba's dick
and said," Damn Bubba, how did you get such a big
dick?" So Bubba told him that he went home every
night and beat his dick on the bed post.
So Bill said, " Does that really work?"
Bubba pointed to his dick and said,"Here is the
proof sir!"
So bill went home late that night, walked into
his bedroom and found Hillery asleep so he left the
lights off. He got undressed, went to the bed post
and started beating his dick on it.
Hillery woke up and said," Is that you Bubba?"

a man and his best friend have a 12:00 pm tee time the man waits and his best friend doesnt show up he figures he mght have got held up at home and goes on without him he joins up with a guy on the first tee and he notices that this man has a very LARGE golf bag he kind of ignores it at first and continues playing golf... then he finally ask his new golfing buddy "why is your bag so big?" the other guy said "well sir to be honest... uhh maybe we should go behind that bush over there" so they go behind the bush and the man with the large bag looks around and says "alright my bag is so big because im a sniper" the man looks puzzled "like a hit man?" the hitman says "yea like a hitman would u like to see the gun i just got a new scope u should look through it" so the guy says ok and picks up the huge gun and looks through the scope and says" wow! i can see for miles....hey i can see my house and there is my wife...shes naked! and more...

One day, a line of people were waiting for the bus at a busy bus station. At the front of the line was a very attractive blonde woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather skirt, and high heels.
As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and unzips the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again.
Again, she finds that she cannot maneuver the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. With disappointment, she finds that she still can't step that high, and so with exasperation and a sigh, she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step.
Finally, Morris, a big guy behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts more...

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box...and it says...."Snatch Eating Frogs..$20 each (comes with instructions)" She looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers to the man behind the counter... "I'll take one." He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog food and is on her way home. She gets home, takes out the instructions and reads them carefully, doing exactly what it says to do. 1. Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume. 2. Put on a very sexy teddy. 3. Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "there." To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog. So, she showers again and tries another perfume. She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and...nothing. She's totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She more...

A new priest is being given instructions on what to do when he takes confession. The older priest tells the new man, for things like stealing, give 5 hail mary's, and for sleeping with the neighbours, 10 hail mary's. So the new priest is taking confession one day. The first man in tells the priest he slept with the woman next door. The priest tells him to do 10 hail mary's and he's on his way. The next man in, confesses to having a wank behind a bush. Somewhat puzzled, the priest steps out of the confessional box and asks two passing alter boys what the "old man" gives for a wank behind a bush. The two boys reply, "A can of Coke and a Mars Bar."