Barn Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tired of being a golf widow, a woman took up the game and wound up playing with her husband on a country course one day. He hit his drive way off into the rough, behind a barn.

She came over to take a look, surveyed the situation, and suggested that if he opened both barn doors he could hit his ball straight through the barn to the green.
He saw this as an excellent idea, complimented her for her suggestion, then opened the doors and stepped up to the ball. He made a swing and great contact. Unfortunately, the ball was off line, careened off the door frame, hit the wife in the head and killed her.
Years went by, the man finally remarried, and this time found himself a golfer for a wife. Incredibly, the same situation occurs. The man is in the rough behind the same barn. His new wife took a look at his ball and suggested that he could make the green if he opened both barn doors and hit through the barn.
"No way," he replied. "I can't do more...

The new rooster caused a great stir in the barnyard. From resplendent comb to defiant spurs, he was the picture of young bantam-hood. Almost immediately upon his arrival, he was greeted by an elderly rooster who took him behind the barn and whispered in his ear: "Young fellow, I'm long past my prime. All I want now is to live out my remaining days in peace and solitude. So you take over right now as ruler of the roost with my blessings."
The newcomer did just that. He went about his squirely duties as only a young rooster could. After several days, however, the elder rooster again took the young champion behind the barn.
"Kid," he whispered, "the hens have been after me for giving up my position so easily. So why don't we have a race-say, ten laps around the farmhouse? The winner becomes undisputed keeper of the henhouse, and then the hens will stop nagging me."
The young rooster, with only contempt for his elder's athletic ability, quickly more...

Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
Log off - Don't add no more wood
Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
Hard drive - Getting home in the winter
Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
Screen - What to shut in black fly season
Byte - What the black flies do
Bit - What the black flies did
Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do chip Munchies for TV
Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
Modem - What you did to the hay fields
Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap top - Where the kitty sleeps
Software - The dumb plastic knives & forks they give you at McDonalds
Hardware - The real stainless steel cutlery.
Mouse - What eats grain in the barn
Main frame - What holds the barn up
Enter more...

A Welshman an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside. Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said...''Meow''. "Just cats," he thought.He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said....''woof''. "Just dogs," he thought. As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said... ''potatoes!''

A police chief, a fire chief and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.

The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.

Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.

A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow more...

A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to alarge farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd havesome fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to thefarmer. "Sam," he shouted, "those animals are talking! If that sheepsays anything about me, it's a damned lie!"

Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"
"Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and' fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved' em all!"
"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"
"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the more...