Barely Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich.
"Felix!" he exclaimed one day, "We're going to be rich! I'm going to teach you how to fly!"
Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect: "I can't fly, you idiot...
I'm a frog, not a canary!"
Clarence, disappointed at the initial reaction, told Felix: "That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem. I'm sending you to class."
So Felix went to a three day class and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication... but nothing about flying.
On the first day of "flying lessons", Clarence could barely control his excitement (and Felix could barely control his bladder). Clarence explained that their apartment had 15 floors, and each day Felix would jump out of a window more...

A groom's friends decided to throw his bachelor party the day before the wedding, and as often happens on these occasions, by the end of the evening, everyone was completely drunk, and none moreso than the guest of honor, who promptly passed out in a corner of the room.When he woke up, he found himself sitting in an airline seat with no wallet or money or anything on him except a one way ticket to San Francisco. He was worried sick until he finally arrived at San Francisco from New Jersey, where he found a ticket at the courtesy counter back to New Jersey. It seems that one of his prospective in-laws worked for an airline and had some comp airfare to use.The groom got back to New Jersey barely four hours before the ceremony, and was barely able to stay awake long enough to say "I do".

A 911 operator gets a call one evening but nobody says anything. Fearing the worst, the operator
calls back, and a little boy answers the phone in whispering voice......
[barely audible] Hello!
(Operator) Hello little boy. Did you just call 911?
[barely audible] "No!"
(Operator) O. K., is your mommy home?
[barely audible] "Yes."
(Operator) Can I speak to her, please?
[barely audible] "No."
(Operator) "Why not?"
[barely audible] "Because she's busy!"
(Operator) "Oh, OK. Is your daddy home then?"
[barely audible] "Yes."
(Operator) "Well, can I speak to him?"
[barely audible] "No!"
(Operator) "Well, my goodness, why not?"
[barely audible] "Because he's busy too!"
(Operator) "OH, goodness! What's he busy doing?"
[barely audible] "Talking to the police."
(Operator) more...