Bacon Jokes / Recent Jokes
egg and bacon walk into a bar. bartender says "we dont serve breakfast here!"
A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like one of your special full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man. "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply. The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look like I have snotted on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top, and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease trickles in to the snotty egg and beans." "I dont have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy little fat girl. "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!!!!!" came the reply.
On the first day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the second day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Two
Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the third day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Four
Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Five
onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy
Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Six
chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me more...
THE LAST WORD
The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.
Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.
Biological Science: A contradiction in more...
A minor league baseball stadium in Michigan is selling chocolate-covered bacon and foot long hotdogs served in Twinkies. It's now the healthiest place to eat in the Midwest.
Back in the cowboy days, a wagon train is lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. Suddenly, they see an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushes to him and says, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get something to eat?"
"Vell," replies the old man, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" the wagon leader asks.
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie," says the old man.
The leader returns to his people and tells them that they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. "Then why did the old man say not to go there?" some of the pioneers ask.
"Oh, you know that Jewish people don't eat bacon," the leader explains.
So, the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre more...