Aunt Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Agony Aunt
I would be most grateful for any advice anyone could give on this matter of deep concern to me.
For sometime now I've suspected that my wife may be having an affair.? You know the sort of thing.? The phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.? Recently she has started going out' with the girls' a lot and when I ask which girls it's always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
I always used to keep an eye out for her taxi coming home but now she always walks up to the flat although I can hear a car setting off as if she has just got out of one around the corner.? The other day I picked up her mobile, just to see what time it was, and she went mental, screaming at me that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with her.? I kind of think deep down I don't really want to know the truth. But then last night she went out again and I decided that I would check more...
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoebox on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it. For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Upon opening it, he found two doilies and $25, 000 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about its contents. “My mother gave me that box the day we married, ” she explained. “She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you. ” Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she’d only been mad at him twice. “What’s the $25, 000 for? ” he asked. “Oh, that’s the money I made selling the doilies, ” she answered.
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
(actual letter)
hello
lAUGH IT OFF...... Vahe Guru.! !!
I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.
Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address Plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I m not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and havent seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to more...
Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible, ” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week. ” “I see. Have you done anything about it? ” asked the doctor. “Naturally, ” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour in the morning and again at night. ” “No, ” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything? ” “Naturally, ” she answered, “I take a book. ”
Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics shed be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the o dds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his more...
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.