Aunt Jokes / Recent Jokes
True Story:
My aunt and her son were coming to our house to view an old slide show of London. Currently, my aunt has grey hair. In the slides she had black hair. My dad tells my cousin, "See, your mother doesn't look old here." He replies, "Well, you can also see when the Hampton Court Palace was new."
A teacher of a fifth grade class gave her students an assignment. The assignment was to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and each had a turn to tell their stories.
"Peter, do you have a story to share?" she asks one child.
"Yes, ma'm; my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a swiss army knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun, but ran out of bullets. Then she killed four more with the knife, but the blade broke. Then she killed the final soldier with her bare hands."
"Good heavens!" said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your father teach you from more...
HEY HEY HEY Viper's in the fun house
with another joke!!!
See I've been doing some serious study into
Van Gough coz I wanted to know why the hell
anyone would chop off their ear. I guess
he just wanted an earing but went too far.
Anyway here's his family!
His obnoxious brother.......................... Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt. ............................... Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes..................... Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store..... Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia.............. U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white...... Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois................... Chica Gogh
His magician uncle............................ Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin............................. Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother..... Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach. ........ Wellsfar Gogh
The more...
My aunt gets operation after operation to look like Marilyn Monroe. Im like lady, why is your low self esteem trapped in the 1950s. Get with the modern times and get cut to look like Angelina.
If a dog bites a man, they say, it is not news, but if a man bites a dog it certainly is. Well, yesterday this incident actually happened at the Pettah bus stand, Colombo. A man bit a dog. And this is how the different sections of the Sri Lankan press reported the event.
DAILY NEWS:
UNP THUG BITES A DOG
Yesterday, an innocent dog was bitten in front of a large crowd at the Pettah bus stand, by a man, who was later identified as a supporter of the opposition leader, Mr. Ranil Wickremasinghe. Daily News learns that the dog received only minor injuries but following the immediate intervention of the President HE Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunge, he was admitted to the intensive care unit of the Colombo General Hospital Canine ward. In a statement, President also condemned the attack and questioned how long the Opposition leader intends to maintain silence on the inhumanity and cruelty of his supporters over innocent animals.? We should take this act very seriously. more...