Attention Jokes / Recent Jokes

E-Mail One
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time.

Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field.

I firmly believe that Joe can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
E-Mail Two
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly more...

One day an Out-of-work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

Te zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tyres. he begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his more...

If Women Ruled the World...
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding
rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he's
breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would
increase by 40 pounds.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity
"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily
clad male models.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of
bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for one
of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
Men would bring drinks, chips and more...

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the dissection table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. "I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Gimmee a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged an screamed,
"Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant."

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

New billboards are getting attention in Arizona. Here's a list of variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included.
_______________________Tell the kids I love them.
-God Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.
-GodC'mon over and bring the kids.
-GodWhat part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?
-GodWe need to talk.
-GodKeep using my name in vain,
I'll make rush hour longer.
-GodLoved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.
-God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing...
I meant it.
-GodI love you and you and you and you and...
-GodWill the road you're on get you to my place?
-GodFollow me.
-GodMy way is the highway.
-God
Need directions?
-God
You think it's hot here?
-GodHave you read my #1 best seller?
There will be a test.
-GodDo you have any idea more...