Attention-deficit Jokes

* I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.
* My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.
* I have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.
* I can't come to work today because the city is paving my street and I can't get out.
* I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.
* Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.
* Sorry Boss I can't come into work today... my spirit guide says work is for losers!
* There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.
* I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.
* I can't more...