Attendant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

An African princess got on a plane with a gay flight attendant.
The flight attendant was going around telling everyone, "Buckle
up your little seatbelts so we can get this BIG ENGINE going,
buckle up."
Annoyed, the princess says, "In my land I'm a princess so I
don't have to listen to your mouth."
Then the flight attendant replied, "In My Land I'm a QUEEN. So
Buckle Up BITCH."

What does a flight attendant have in common with an airplane?
They both have cockpits.

A man was seated next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips."
The man then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know there was a choice."

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub."

A blond is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas so she stops at the gas station. While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blond is faring. The blond outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the blond inside of the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!! ”

A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says "fill it up, please". The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car areoccupied by penguins." Hey Buddy" says the attendant to the driver, "These birds can't be happy like this... they're wild animals, you should take them to a zooor something.." The motorist agrees to do so. The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once more the attendant sees the penquins installed in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels..."What's this?" he says to the driver, "I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?" The driver says "I did... and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach."