Assassin Jokes

The KGB had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the KGB agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. ”
The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife, ” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife. ” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. ”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She more...

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go. Noon comes, no dictator... 10 minutes longer... no dictator. One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.
These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not more...

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the
background checks, interviews, and testing were done there
were three finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my
wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this
job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes."I
tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same
instructions to more...

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
After putting a number of suitable applicants through the training and testing, the choice was narrowed down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job.
The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances" they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man looked shocked and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right more...