Arnold Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the wedding night for a young couple and the groom wanted everything
to be just perfect. He arranged to stay in the Honeymoon Suite of a plush
hotel, and he and his new bride eagerly jumped into the heart-shaped bed
to make love for the first time (at least for him). After making wild and
passionate love for a considerate length of time, they both reached the
climactic moment simultaneously, slipping into a state of utmost
relaxation. At this point, the groom reaches for the telephone.
"What on earth do you think you are doing?" asks the young bride
"Well, I wanted everything to be perfect, so I thought I should call room
service for a bottle of their finest champagne," came the reply
"Well, I used to date Arnold Palmer, and when Arnold and I finished making love
we would wait 10 minutes and make love again," the young groom was informed.
"If that's what you are used to, I will be glad to more...

Knock Knock Who's there! Arnold! Arnold who? Arnold friend of yours is a friend of mine!

Tom's 3rd marriage to Shelby Roos has left him filing for separation. The Couple were married in 2002. He was also married to Rosanne Barr for 4 years and his marriage to his second wife Julie Lynne Champnella oddly enough only lasted 4 years.
In a related story Tom Arnold has decided to run for President, because he knows he has at least one more set of 4 years in him. And he was a B student so he figures he is a shoe in. He also knows the defination of "it".

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said hed have to withhold ten percent of Arnolds wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked Arnold. "About $4, 500," said the owner. "What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. Ive finally got job security!"

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago."Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked."Not very likely," his wife said."It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!""No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."The man more...

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope never uses his. What is it? A last name.

So God and Jesus are out golfing one day and they come to a particulary treacherous hole. Dog leg to the right with a lake in the middle.
It's Jesus' turn to tee off and He grabs a sand wedge.
"Just wait one minute, my son," God says, "you can't make this hole with that club!".
"Sure I can, dad," replies Jesus, "I saw Arnold Palmer do this on TV the other day. This is exactly the club he used!"
"Ok," replied God, "Go ahead and make an ass of yourself."
Well, Jesus tees off, and sure as heck it goes BLOINK, right in the water. Jesus is all embarrassed, picks up his robe, walks out across the water and reaches down to pick his ball up.
Meanwhile, there's two other golfers waiting to tee off and they saw the whole thing.
One of them walks up to God and asks, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ or somebody?"
"No," replied God, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer."