Appointment Jokes / Recent Jokes

During Rajiv Gandhi's term as prime minister a group of Congress(I) MPs was comparing notes with one another. As usual their chief occupation was who was nazdeek (close) to the prime minister and who had been replaced by whom in the inner circles. Asked one of another, who seemed to know the comings and goings on Race Course Road:' Have you seen the Prime Minister recently?'
'Arre kahan! You ring and ring and no appointment is given. "Too busy" is all that his secretaries say.'
'But surely, you know him well enough to walk into the kothi without an appointment!'
'Those days are gone,' replied the other sadly,' now its battalions outside and Italians inside.'

Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says,' Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies,' If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says' I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle more...

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh. ” Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too? ”

One day a woman had a 11:00am appointment at the gynecologist office and got woke out of bed around 8:30 by the phone and it was the gynecologist office saying that her appointment had been pushed up to 9:30.
Most woman take extra time to wash up on days that they have an appointment, but not today. She ran into the bathroom and found her daughters washcloth on the sink and did the quick rub down, raced over to the office and got undressed and got onto the table with her legs spread in the leg racks.
The doctor comes in and says "Wow, we spent extra time to clean up today!"
The woman was so embarrassed she says nothing and concludes the exam. She goes home and later that day her daughter asks her where her washcloth is and the mother says "Just get another one!"
The daughter says "No mom you don't understand, that is the one with my face glitter and sparkles in it".

A woman had an appointment in the morning with her gynecologist and was running late. She hadn't had the time to give herself a proper washup so she took a washcloth and gave herself a wash in 'that area' in front of the sink. She threw the cloth into the wash basket after making sure she was presentable and drove to her appointment.
She was silent throughout the checkup and ignored the gynecologist when he said, "My... We have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?"
It was only until after the day was over when her daughter called to ask if she had seen where her washcloth was. The woman told her to get a fresh piece from the cabinet but the daughter said, "No, I need that one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep. A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

A radio station routinely paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. Here was one of the winners:
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologists when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already.
The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few more...