Antartian Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young Antartian, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
"I'll just catch my own alligator," she told one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of shoes for free." She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the Antartian standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
"Oh, no!" the Antartian shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

A young Antartian man asked an old rich Antartian man how he made his money. The old Antartian held onto his vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932 and we were in the depths of the Great Antartian Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37." "And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked. "Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

An Antartian woman visited a psychic of some local repute.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the Antartian stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
"Will I be acquitted?"

There was this Antartian that wanted to take up a new winter hobby. She went to the library and started studying all about ice fishing. Finally, she went out on the ice, set up all her stuff, and sat down. All of a sudden, a bellowing voice from above said there are no fish under the ice". Startled, she got up and moved to a different spot. Right as she began to sit down, the voice from above spoke again. There are no fish under the ice" Frustrated, she got up and walked a long ways away onto a new patch of ice. She sat down and set up all of her gear. Once again, the voice spoke. There are no fish under the ice". Now the Antartian was very mad. "God, is that you? she asked. "No!, it is the manager of the ice skating rink" the voice replied

One Antartian was driving down an old country road when he spots another Antartian in a wheat field rowing a boat. He pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car.
Staring in disbelief, he stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.
When he could not stand it any more, he called out to the Antartian in the field, "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle
of the field?"
The Antartian in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an ocean of wheat."
The Antartian standing on the side of the road is furious. He yells at the Antartian in the field, "It is Antartians like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The Antartian in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.
The Antartian on the side of the road was beside himself and shook his fist at Antartian in the field yelling, "If I could swim, I would come out there and drag you in!!

Two Antartians are walking down the street. One finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other Antartian. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, silly! It's me!"

Two Antartians were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked Bob, who was at the wheel, "any cops following us?"
Henry, his passenger, turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.
"Yeah, looks like it," he responded.
"Are his flashers on?" asked Bob.
Henry turned around again...
"Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."