Alien Jokes / Recent Jokes

Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions. The first person at the microphone said, "I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?" "I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office," answered Obama. "All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure." The second person in line said, "I'm an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?" "If I am elected," answered Obama, "every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice." The third more...

An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement. The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, sliced the next shot into the bushes. He then took a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again. Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game and they continued to observe the golfer. The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green. He then took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole. At this point, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters' 'U.F.O.'' printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked' 'Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?'' The alien answered,' 'No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!''

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters U. F. O. printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked Does U. F. O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object? The alien answered, No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!

What did the alien say to the gas pump? Dont you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when Im talking to you!

The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent more...

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer's field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.The Martian then man took the farmer's wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer's wife, "Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?"The farmer's wife replied "It needs to be a little bigger around." So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.About an hour later, the Martian man asked the more...