Agent Jokes / Recent Jokes

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed, with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk, but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.

"Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.

"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered, unconcernedly.

"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.

"Nope. more...

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river.

Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river.

Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?"

The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."

A blonde called her brunette friend and said, "I've been working on this puzzle for weeks, and I can't get it. " The brunette went over to see what was wrong, and she told the blonde, "Put the cornflakes away...." Blonde
Destination Hawaii "A blonde called in inquiring about a travel package to Hawaii. The agent explained their limited travel range.
After going over all the agent's information, she asked, "Well, could I fly to California, and THEN take your train to Hawaii?"

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retort disbelievingly.
"Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent.
"Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy with 2 guys in a Uno."

A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent.

"I want a round trip ticket," says the man.

"Where to?" asks the agent.

"Right back to here."

The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, "Wanted FBI agents." After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, "We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal." The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.
The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. "Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her."
The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. "I can't do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!"
The agent than says that he just isn't FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.
They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. more...

Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."

This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."

To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100. 00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"

. At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is more...