Agent Jokes / Recent Jokes
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw the evidence of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI agent asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship.
The man turned out to be the village idiot. "This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI agent. "How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."
Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper? What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement. What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?
Skeet. What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
His co-workers. What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
A Doberman. What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Morris the agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had been selling her body for 100 dollars a night.
The agent, who had long lusted after her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable.
He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.
He scratched his head, considered it, and then Morris asked, "Don't I even get my agent's 10% as a deduction?"
"No, siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it just like the other Johns."
Morris the agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local nightclub. The agent made love to her at midnight, after turning out all the more...
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denvers old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."The agent replied, "Im sorry sir. Ill be happy to try to help you, but Ive got to help these folks first, and Im sure well be able to work something out."The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microp hone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout more...
After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company. Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, "We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money." The agent replies, "Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house.
Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?"
"Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground."
The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"