Afford Jokes / Recent Jokes

I couldn't afford to buy cotton so I decided to be abrasive, and steel wool.

By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
February 20, 2002
Times Observer

To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the bombers.

It is well known that more...

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the
senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed
by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked
"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.

Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian
minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his
house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had
built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the more...

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over more...

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had it on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they stayed home. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went by her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

So the next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter. "Why were you screaming last night?"

The daughter said "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."

"That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing last night?"

The daughter said "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."

"That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was more...

A Sri Lankan politician namely S. B. Dissanayake went to the U. S. to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion and lush grounds and costly furnishings.

"But how can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?" the minister asked. The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"You see that river?"
"Yes."
"You see the bridge over it?"
"Of course," said the minister.
"Just Ten percent of the project" the senator said smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. S. B lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to the minister's house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, which glittered with precious art and bustled with hundreds of servants.

"But how can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Sri Lankan more...

What is the meaning of afford? It's the car most sales representatives drive.