Admiring Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young woman is standing on the balcony of her apartment admiring the view, when she slips and falls over the side. She is caught a few floors down by a man who happens to also be out on his balcony.
"Oh, thank you," says the young woman, to which the man replies, "Do you suck?" "No!" says the horrified young woman, so he drops her.
She falls down some more floors when she is once again caught by a man who's out on his balcony.
"Oh, thank you," she says, to which he replies, "Do you fuck?" "No!!" she says, once again shocked. He too drops her.
As she is falling, she prays for one last chance. A third man who's standing on his balcony catches her.
Quickly, she yells to the man, "I Suck, I Fuck!"
"Slut!" he says, as he drops her.

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today. ”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night? ”
“No, ” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole. ”
Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was more...

The Story of Micro and MiniMicro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-bandprotocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.One evening he arrived home, just as the Sun was crashing and had parked hisMotorola 6800 in the main drive (he missed the 5100 bus that morning ), whenhe noticed an elegant piece of hardware escorting her daisy wheels in hisgarden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly," "I'll see if she'dlike an update tonight."Mini was her name, and she was delightfull, engineered with eyes like COBOL anda Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all overthe place.He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit floatingpoint processors and inquired "How are you Honey Well?." "Yes I am well," sheresponded, batting her optical fibres engagingly and smoothing her console overher curvilinear more...

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in themirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breastsof a 25 year old."The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

W O M A N
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another,' Oh! it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you more...