200 Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy goes over to his buddies house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife.' Is John home?' he asks. She replies' No I'm sorry he's gone out to run a few errands.'' Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?' She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen.' I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them.' The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is a $100. She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks' Your breast was so beautiful, I've got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both.' She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another more...

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200. 00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199. 00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1. 00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1. 00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she reads slow."

A gynecologist decides to quit his job to fufill his life long dream of becoming a mechanic. He decides to take mechanic courses and he does so for a couple of months up until he must take the test. The test consists of taking apart a car's engine and putting it together perfectly for a score of 200.

He does his test and feels confident that he did well.

A week later he receives a call,

"This is your regarding your test," The man on the phone says.

"Yes, how did I do?"

"You got 400 over 200"

"400 over 200? how did I get that?"

"You got 100 for taking the motor apart perfectly."

"Ok"

"You got 100 for putting it together perfectly."

"So I got a perfect score? How did I get the other extra 200?"

The man hesitates and answers, "That's for doing it all through the muffler!"

Editor's note: Someone forwarded me this little essay, and although I really don't know the point, it's weird enough to warrant a posting.

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i like monkeys

the pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. i thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so i bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.

i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one drive. his name was signund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.

i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. altough humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into the third hour.

two hours later, i found out why all more...

Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test. City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name: ____________
Alias: ____________
Gang: ____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he more...

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - "and how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200. 00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - "here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - "Pizza delivery guy".

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.