"irish definitions" joke

A few entries in the Irish Medical Dictionary:
Artery - the study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of a cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Bowel - a letter like A. E. I. O. U.
Caesarean Section - a neighbourhood in Rome
Cat Scan - searching for kitty
Cauterise - made eye contact with her
Coma - a punctuation mark
D.& C. - where Washington is
Dilate - to live longer
Enema - not a friend
Fester - quicker
Fibia - a small lie
Genital - not a jew
G. I. Series - a soldier's game
Hangnail - a coat hook
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Labour pain - getting hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - was aware of
Out Patient - a person who has fainted
Pap smear - a fatherhood test
Pelvis - a cousin to Elvis
Recovery Room - a place to do upholstery
Rectum - damn near killed' em
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - Roman Emperor
Tablet - small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumour - more than one
Urine - opposite of "You're out"
Varicose - nearly
Vein - conceited