"Words of Wisdom For Dads" joke

For all new dads, or those contemplating becoming a dad, it is necessary for you to learn these Words of Wisdom:
Don't ask me, ask your mother.
No one said life was supposed to be fair.
Close the door. Were you raised in a barn?
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
No! We're not there yet.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
You call that noise "music"?
As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.
When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.
Because I said so. That's why!
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
Do as I say, not as I do.
You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.
So, you think you're smart, do you?
What do I look like, a bank?
I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!
I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everyone else's father!
What part of NO don't you understand?
Enough is enough!
Don't make me stop the car!