"Torres and Abramovich" joke
Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich will today drive Spanish striker Fernando Torres into the middle of a big field and let him be free the club have confirmed, after the World Cup winner failed to be domesticated successfully into his London environment. The Russian billionaire claimed it was one of the hardest decisions he’d ever had to make, as a weak Torres will be forced to fend off wild prey like foxes, or possibly even a badger, but Abramovich concluded it was either that or flushing him down a toilet.
Torres, who was constantly falling over in front of goal and urinating on the Stamford Bridge reception rug was never likely to find another owner and whilst animal right activists argue releasing a crumbling forward straight back into the vast countryside of Britain could likely prove fatal, Chelsea claim that not even West Ham United were willing to make a bid.
Abramovich told gathering press ‘I have a receipt on my £50 million purchase, but the warranty only lasts for a month. I phoned the Liverpool hot desk but all I could hear was continuous laughing coming from down the other end of the phone, with the occasional taunt of ‘you mug!’ thrown in. So I send sniper. And offer £60 million for Andy Carroll…How am I so rich?’
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