"Things Mom Taught Me" joke

My Mother taught me LOGIC…”If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me. ”
My Mother taught me MEDICINE…”If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way. ”
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD…”If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job! ”
My Mother taught me ESP…”Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold? ”
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE…”What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me! ”
My Mother taught me HUMOR…”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me. ”
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…”If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
My mother taught me about GENETICS…”You are just like your father! ”
My mother taught me about my ROOTS…”Do you think you were born in a barn? ”
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE…”When you get to be my age, you will understand. ”
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…”Just wait until your father gets home. ”
My mother taught me about RECEIVING…”You are going to get it when we get home. ”
And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE…”One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU - then you’ll see what it’s like! ”