"The car" joke
A guy buys a new Lamborghini sportscar and goes to his Orthodox rabbi to ask him to bless a mezuzah for the car.
"What is a Lamborghini?" asks the rabbi and when the guy explains, the rabbi says "No way am I
blessing a mezuzah for such an extravagance!"
So the guy finds a Conservative rabbi and makes the same request. "What is a Lamborghini?"
the rabbi asks and hearing the explanation, also refuses to give his blessing.
So finally the guy goes to a Reform rabbi with his request.
"Sure!" says the rabbi, "but what's a mezuzah?"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
Why was the gay cadet thrown out of Westpoint?
For switching Majors.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...