"The boss's itinerary" joke

To ensure that you have a good time on your trip to Australia, your team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours. Agenda follows:
Day 1: The "10 Deadliest Snakes" Fall Tour
You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world's 10 most deadly snakes.
Day 2: The "Great White Encounter"
You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
Day 3: The Aboriginal "Festival of Spears"
You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
Day 4: The "Crocodile Dundee" Petting Zoo
You will be able to come up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless saltwater crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc wrestling exhibition.
Day 5: "Those Marvelous Morays"
This tour will once again return you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.
We hope you will enjoy your trip!
Your loyal employees.

Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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all we need to do is put a flashlight to your hairline then we will get the batmat symbol

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Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...

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