"The Scotsman And The Growler" joke
Wee Hughie is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my growler?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Wee Hughie and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.
Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Wee Hughie stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Wee Hughie moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Wee Hughie replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Der next night vas Christmas
Der night it vas still
Der stockings ver hung
By der shimney to fill.
Nothing vas sturring
At all in der Haus
For fear dot St. Nicklaus
Vos nichts komm heraus.
Der shuldren vas tucked
Away in der betts
And Mama more...
Once James Bond and a Sri Lankan cricketer guy were flying together, seated next to each other.
Sri Lankan cricketer: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "I am Bond. James Bond."
James Bond: "And more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.