"Surprise, surprise Rabbi Landau has always..." joke

Surprise, surprise
Rabbi Landau has always been secretly sad that he`s never been able to eat pork. So one day, he flies to a remote tropical Island and books into a hotel. “No one will find me here,” he said to himself. On the first evening, he goes to the best restaurant and orders the ‘roast pork special’. While he’s waiting, he hears someone call his name. Rabbi Landau looks up and sees one of his congregants walking towards his table. What unbelievably bad luck – the same time to visit the same restaurant on the same island!
Just at that moment, the waiter puts on his table a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth and says, “Your special, sir.” Rabbi Landau looks up sheepishly at his congregant and says, "Would you believe it - you order an apple in this restaurant and look how they serve it!"

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word."
The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be more...

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An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...

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A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that
her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He is 36 years old, 183 cm high, has brown eyes, brown hair, an
athletic body, weighs 75 kg, is soft-spoken, more...

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