"Suicide To Be Punishable By Death" joke
Following last week's announcement that suicide in Singapore will be regulated, the government has decided to make suicide a capital offence. "Suicide is a deadly serious matter of life or death," said Minister for Suicide Mr. Yeow Teow Loh. "We cannot let citizens decide important things by their own hands and affect our manpower projections." The MOS has written a white paper, and will be tabling it for debate in the next parliamentary session. The Suicide and Miscellaneous Manpower Offences Bill calls for those attempting suicide to face a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. However, repeat offenders will face the death penalty. "We believe that the strongest possible sentence will deter offenders," said Mr. Yeow. The move has been welcomed by EuthanAsians, an Asian right to death pressure and support group. "We back the new death policy," said Dr. Mao Mah Tee, president of EuthanAsians. "And we will do whatever it takes to get the bill passed. Die-die must become legislation." Minister Yeow continued, "The Bill is not yet complete. We may not have jurisdiction over successful suicides. As they have gone beyond, we don't know if we can catch them. But we are confident. After all, God is on our side." Meanwhile, local right-to-life activists have vowed to ensure that the Bill reaches Parliament dead-on-arrival.
Not enough votes...