"Statistics From ABS" joke

New statistics from Australian Bureau of Statistics:

3 people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 people are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 people had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 people were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 people were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally; 8 people cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep while throwing up into the toilet