"Some useful bits of info!" joke

Bits of information to help you through the day:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included here?)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm... )
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)
Polar bears are left handed. (I'm sure glad somebody found that out!)
A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. ( So my ex-husband WAS a cockroach after all!)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home! What the....")
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (hmmm...chocolate...doh!...not chocolate, not chocolate! BAD DOG!)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have any brains. (...and are now employed at JokesGalore.com!)
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the jerk upside the head.

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue more...

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As Mickey and Minnie were before the judge in divorce court, the judge looked at Mickey and said, "Listen here, Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie."
"But why not, Your Honor?" a stunned Mickey asked.
"I have reviewed all the more...

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