"Skinny Dipping" joke
This old fellow owned this farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back forty and had it fixed up really nice, horseshoe courts, picnic tables, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built.
One evening, since he hadn't been there for a while, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "Mister, we're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or get out of the pond... I only came to feed my alligators!"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
Why was the gay cadet thrown out of Westpoint?
For switching Majors.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...