"Sex Joke" joke

What have a condom and a coffin got in common?
They both hold stiffs, but one is cumin and one is going!
When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex?
During sex, cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=:)
Sex is like math.
Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!
Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I miss it, da meaner I get.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
If she has to chew before she can swallow.
Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a prostitute?
The one that says IDAHO!
How can you tell which is the head nurse?
She's the one with the dirty knees.
Have you noticed that more and more women are having their navels pierced?
That's because it's a handy place to hang the air freshener.
How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?
Phone her!
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
Wedding cake.
What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?
I don't know, what?
You don't know? soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?
The man.
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
Why did god give woman 2 sets of lips?
So they can piss & moan at ths same time!
What are three words you dread the most while making love?
"Honey, I'm home."
How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
She could taste the blood on her son's dick!
How is sex like air?
It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.
What can a girl put behind her ears to make her sexy?
Her knees.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
What does the sign on the whorehouse say, after they have closed for the day?
We're closed, beat it!
What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
What is hard and pink when it goes in and soft and wet when it comes out?
Bubblegum, you dirty minded pervert!
What do you call a whore with her own car?
Feels on Wheels!
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
You either need a good partner or a good hand.
A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span," replied the doctor.
What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What did the left nut say to the right nut?
Don