"Reasons You Shouldn’T Forward Me That Email" joke

I eat puppies, kittens, and other cute animals, and sending me pictures of them only makes me hungry for more.

I’ve been on the Internet forever and have already seen/heard/smelled whatever you’re sending before.
You’d like me to remain your friend.

I don’t care if the kid dies from cancer.
I have a sense of humor and that joke isn’t remotely funny.
If you forward that message to ten of your friends then a unicorn dies.

You’ll prove once and for all that I’m smarter than you.
I am actually hoping to get robbed/mugged/carjacked.
If I wanted to see pictures of babies, I’d buy an Anne Geddes book.

If it doesn’t have to do with making my penis bigger then I don’t want it in my Inbox.

Bill Gates already sent me my free Xbox, $1000, and tickets to Disney. I don’t want to be greedy.

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