"Reality checks" joke

"I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV, relax and enjoy it. Let me do the worrying - that's what I get paid for." - England manager Graham Taylor before the 1992 European championships. England didn't win a game.
"I have always found strangers sexy." - Hugh Grant, six months before he was arrested with stranger Divine Brown.
"I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear." - Margaret Thatcher in 1973.
"That rainbow song's no good. Take it out." - MGM memo after first showing of The Wizard Of Oz.
"You'd better learn secretarial skills or else get married." - Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.
"Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax". "The aeroplane is scientifically impossible." - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.
"You ought to go back to driving a truck." - Concert manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954.
"Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel." - MGM executive, advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.
"Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little." - A film company's verdict on Fred Astaire's 1928 screen test.
"Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work." - Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank Whittle's plan for the jet engine.
"There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991." - World Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301 cases.
"The Beatles? They're on the wane." - The Duke of Edinburgh in Canada, 1965. They went on to produce a string of No 1s.
"The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in explosives." - U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.
"All saved from Titanic after collision." - New York Evening Sun, April 15 1912.
"Brain work will cause women to go bald." - Berlin professor, 1914.
"Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - director of the US Patent Office, 1899.
"And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam." - Newsweek magazine, predicting popular holidays for the late 1960s.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room more...

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Geordie is in Dublin on Business and takes a Taxi from the Airport to his Hotel in the City Centre.
As they come out of the Airport, the Taxi driver shoots through a red light. "Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!" shouts more...

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You'll never see a woman driving in Formula 1. It's not the Racing thats the problem, it's parking when they come into the pits.

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This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas more...

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Even a short pencil is more reliable then the longest memory.

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